Smile (Joke)

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Chrisg
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Joined: October 3rd, 2011, 3:44 pm
Location: Ireland

Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by Chrisg » August 29th, 2014, 7:46 am

*DANGER OF JUDGING A BOOK BY ITS COVER ... ENJOY*



*Great Story*

A lady in a faded gingham dress and her husband, dressed in a
homespun thread bare suit, stepped off the train in Boston and walked timidly, without an appointment, into
the Harvard University President's outer office.

The secretary could tell in a moment that such backwoods,country hicks had no business at Harvard,
& probably didn't even deserve to be in Cambridge.

"We'd like to see the president," the man said softly.

"He'll be busy all day," the secretary snapped.

"We'll wait," the lady replied.

For hours the secretary ignored them, hoping that the couple would
finally become discouraged and go away. They didn't, and the secretary grew frustrated and finally
decided to disturb the president, even though it was a chore she always regretted.

"Maybe if you see them for a few minutes, they'll leave," she said to him.

He sighed in exasperation and nodded. Someone of his importance obviously
didn't have the time to spend with them, and he detested gingham dresses and homespun suits
cluttering up his outer office.

The president, stern faced and with dignity, strutted toward the couple.

The lady told him, "We had a son who attended Harvard for one year. He
loved Harvard. He was happy here. But about a year ago, he was accidentally killed.
My husband and I would like to erect a memorial to him, somewhere on campus."

The president wasn't touched. He was shocked. "Madam," he said, gruffly,
"we can't put up a statue for every person who attended Harvard and died.
If we did, this place would look like a cemetery."

*"Oh, no," the lady explained quickly. "We don't want to erect a statue.
We thought we would like to give a building to Harvard."

The president rolled his eyes. He glanced at the gingham dress and
homespun suit, then exclaimed,
"A building! Do you have any earthly idea how much a building costs? We
have over seven and a half million dollars in the physical buildings here at Harvard."

For a moment the lady was silent. The president was pleased. Maybe he
could get rid of them now.

The lady turned to her husband and said quietly, "Is that all it cost to
start a university? Why don't we just start our own? " Her husband nodded. The president's face wilted
in confusion and bewilderment.

Mr. and Mrs. Leland Stanford got up and walked away, traveling toPalo Alto, California where they
established the university that bears their name, Stanford University, a memorial to a son that Harvard
no longer cared about.

You can easily judge the character of others by how they treat those who
they think can do nothing for them.

*--- A TRUE STORY By Malcolm Forbes*

Chris

:snoball:
Idiopathic Ventricular Tachycardia
1st Medtronic ICD Dec 07; 2nd August 09; 3rd on right side Sept, 2011
14 Shock Storm July 09; 5 days induced coma
Sprint Fidelis Lead and ICD Explanted July 09
3 Ventricle Ablations July 2009
Lead Erosion; Leads and ICD Explanted August 2011
Medtronic ICD Re-implanted Right side Sept, 2011
Fractured Lead ; Lead left in and new Medtronic Lead and ICD implanted August 2017
Drugs: Mexiletine .50mg 2 daily; Metoprolol .25mg 2 daily. Omacor

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ricatlga
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Joined: February 2nd, 2010, 8:57 am
Location: Atlanta, GA USA

Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by ricatlga » August 29th, 2014, 9:50 am

FYI - If it sounds too good to be true it usually isn't.

The following is the Urban Legends webpage for this story on the founding of Stanford U.

http://www.snopes.com/glurge/stanford.asp

The Stanfords did meet with various colleges for information on what it would take to establish a university.
Raymund
Replaced ICD 8/30/18 with Medtronic Visia AF SureScan MRI ICD
Ablation May 2012 - Sotalol discontinued in September
VF unknown cause 1/19/2010, Medtronic Secura-VR 1-22-10
Mitral valve repair Dec 2007

Chrisg
Posts: 645
Joined: October 3rd, 2011, 3:44 pm
Location: Ireland

Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by Chrisg » August 29th, 2014, 11:19 am

Thanks Raymond.
Some story.
The Guy who wrote that one certainly KISSED the "Blarney Stone."



Chris
Idiopathic Ventricular Tachycardia
1st Medtronic ICD Dec 07; 2nd August 09; 3rd on right side Sept, 2011
14 Shock Storm July 09; 5 days induced coma
Sprint Fidelis Lead and ICD Explanted July 09
3 Ventricle Ablations July 2009
Lead Erosion; Leads and ICD Explanted August 2011
Medtronic ICD Re-implanted Right side Sept, 2011
Fractured Lead ; Lead left in and new Medtronic Lead and ICD implanted August 2017
Drugs: Mexiletine .50mg 2 daily; Metoprolol .25mg 2 daily. Omacor

Mary Kay
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Joined: September 23rd, 2011, 10:57 am
Location: Oak View, CA

Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by Mary Kay » August 29th, 2014, 8:25 pm

Blarney or not, there is a great moral to the story. I liked it, but I did't believe it either.
CHF, Cardiomyopathy and LBBB
EF 20%
St. Jude Bi Vent ICD CRT implanted September 9, 2011
7 shock storm inappropriate due to dislodged lead
damaged lead removed and replaced Sept 26, 2011
EF improved to 50% in December 2012
Carvedilol 12.5 mg 2x
Ramipril 5 mg 2x

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freckles1880
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Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by freckles1880 » September 9th, 2014, 7:47 am

This is how I feel at times.

Image

wavhi
Bob

Medtronic-Visia AF implanted 7-8-2016 stayed with the with 6947 Sprint Quattro Secure lead. Original ICD implant 2-4-2009. ICD turned off 10-6-17 as stage 4 lung cancer taking over.
Major heart attack, carcinogenic shock and quad bypass 10-13-08 post myocardial infarction, old inferior MI complicated by shock and CHF, combined, Atherosclerosis, abdominal aortic Aneurysm, Seroma 7 cm, left leg. Stent in the left main vein 10-7-2014

My "Wardens" are my bride of 54+ years and my daughters.

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freckles1880
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Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by freckles1880 » September 14th, 2014, 7:50 am

Look no batteries.

Image

wavhi
Bob

Medtronic-Visia AF implanted 7-8-2016 stayed with the with 6947 Sprint Quattro Secure lead. Original ICD implant 2-4-2009. ICD turned off 10-6-17 as stage 4 lung cancer taking over.
Major heart attack, carcinogenic shock and quad bypass 10-13-08 post myocardial infarction, old inferior MI complicated by shock and CHF, combined, Atherosclerosis, abdominal aortic Aneurysm, Seroma 7 cm, left leg. Stent in the left main vein 10-7-2014

My "Wardens" are my bride of 54+ years and my daughters.

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freckles1880
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Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by freckles1880 » September 16th, 2014, 7:39 am

How children perceive their Grandparents

1. She was in the bathroom, putting on her makeup, under the watchful eyes of her young granddaughter, as she'd done many times before. After she applied her lipstick and started to leave, the little one said, "But Grandma, you forgot to kiss the toilet paper good-bye!" I will probably never put lipstick on again without thinking about kissing the toilet paper good-bye.

2. My young grandson called the other day to wish me Happy Birthday. He asked me how old I was, and I told him, "80". My grandson was quiet for a moment, and then he asked, "Did you start at 1?"

3. After putting her grandchildren to bed, a grandmother changed into old slacks and a droopy blouse and proceeded to wash her hair. As she heard the children getting more and more rambunctious, her patience grew thin. Finally, she threw a towel around her head and stormed into their room, putting them back to bed with stern warnings. As she left the room, she heard the three-year-old say with a trembling voice,
"Who was THAT?"

4. A grandmother was telling her little granddaughter what her own childhood was like. "We used to skate outside on a pond. I had a swing made from a tire; it hung from a tree in our front yard. We rode our pony. We picked wild raspberries in the woods."
The little girl was wide-eyed, taking all this in. At last she said, "I sure wish I'd gotten to know you sooner!"

5. My grandson was visiting one day when he asked, "Grandma, do you know how you and God are alike?" I mentally polished my halo and replied, "No, how are we alike?'' "You're both old," he replied.

6. A little girl was diligently pounding away on her grandfather's word processor and he asked her what she was doing? She told him she was writing a story.
"What's it about?" he asked.
"I don't know", she replied. "I can't read."

7. I didn't know if my granddaughter had learned her colors yet, so I decided to test her. I would point out something and ask what color it was. She would tell me and was always correct. It was fun for me, so I continued. At last, she headed for the door, saying, "Grandma, I think you should try to figure out some of these colors yourself!"

8. When my grandson Billy and I entered our vacation cabin, we kept the lights off until we were inside to avoid attracting pesky insects. Still, a few fireflies followed us in. Noticing them before I did, Billy whispered, "It's no use Grandpa. Now the mosquitoes are coming after us with flashlights."

9. When my grandson asked me how old I was, I teasingly replied, "I'm not sure." "Look in your underwear, Grandpa", he advised
"Mine says I'm 4 to 6."

10. A second grader came home from school and said to her grandmother, "Grandma, guess what? We learned how to make babies today." The grandmother, more than a little surprised, tried to keep her cool. "That's interesting." she said . . . "How do you make babies?"
"It's simple", replied the girl. "You just change 'y' to 'i' and add 'es'."

11. Children's Logic: "Give me a sentence about a public servant", said a teacher. The small boy wrote: "The fireman came down the ladder, pregnant." The teacher took the lad aside to correct him. "Don't you know what pregnant means?" she asked.
"Sure", replied the young boy confidently. 'It means carrying a child."

12. A grandfather was delivering his grandchildren to their home one day when a fire truck zoomed past. Sitting in the front seat of the fire truck was a Dalmatian dog. The children started discussing the dog's duties.
"They use him to keep crowds back", said one child.
"No", said another. "He's just for good luck."
A third child brought the argument to a close. "You're both wrong . . . They use the dogs", she said firmly, "to find the fire hydrants."

13. A 6-year-old was asked where his grandma lived. "Oh," he said, "she lives at the airport, and when we want her, we just go get her. Then, when we're done having her visit, we take her back to the airport."

14. Grandpa is the smartest man on earth! He teaches me good things, but I don't get to see him enough to get as smart as him!

15. My Grandparents are funny. When they bend over, you hear gas leaks and they blame their dog.
Bob

Medtronic-Visia AF implanted 7-8-2016 stayed with the with 6947 Sprint Quattro Secure lead. Original ICD implant 2-4-2009. ICD turned off 10-6-17 as stage 4 lung cancer taking over.
Major heart attack, carcinogenic shock and quad bypass 10-13-08 post myocardial infarction, old inferior MI complicated by shock and CHF, combined, Atherosclerosis, abdominal aortic Aneurysm, Seroma 7 cm, left leg. Stent in the left main vein 10-7-2014

My "Wardens" are my bride of 54+ years and my daughters.

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mykidsmom
Posts: 3691
Joined: February 9th, 2012, 5:09 pm

Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by mykidsmom » September 16th, 2014, 12:47 pm

love em all freckles...but the one with the grandmother and the airport happened in my house....my dad used come over from ireland on 6 month visits before he came to stay lol...and the kids were convinced he lived in the airport....driving past it regularly theyd scream why cant we go visit grandads house...
I think.....Therefore I am.!!!!!

Chrisg
Posts: 645
Joined: October 3rd, 2011, 3:44 pm
Location: Ireland

Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by Chrisg » September 19th, 2014, 6:08 am

FATHER OF THE YEAR

A man boarded a plane with 6 kids.

After they got settled in their seats a woman sitting across the aisle from him leaned over to him and asked,

"Are all of those kids yours?"

He replied,

"No.

I work for a condom company.


These are customer complaints."




Wish I could think so quickly.


Chris

:snoball:
Idiopathic Ventricular Tachycardia
1st Medtronic ICD Dec 07; 2nd August 09; 3rd on right side Sept, 2011
14 Shock Storm July 09; 5 days induced coma
Sprint Fidelis Lead and ICD Explanted July 09
3 Ventricle Ablations July 2009
Lead Erosion; Leads and ICD Explanted August 2011
Medtronic ICD Re-implanted Right side Sept, 2011
Fractured Lead ; Lead left in and new Medtronic Lead and ICD implanted August 2017
Drugs: Mexiletine .50mg 2 daily; Metoprolol .25mg 2 daily. Omacor

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freckles1880
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Joined: April 18th, 2009, 7:19 pm
Location: Broomfield, Colorado

Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by freckles1880 » October 8th, 2014, 8:51 am

Image
Bob

Medtronic-Visia AF implanted 7-8-2016 stayed with the with 6947 Sprint Quattro Secure lead. Original ICD implant 2-4-2009. ICD turned off 10-6-17 as stage 4 lung cancer taking over.
Major heart attack, carcinogenic shock and quad bypass 10-13-08 post myocardial infarction, old inferior MI complicated by shock and CHF, combined, Atherosclerosis, abdominal aortic Aneurysm, Seroma 7 cm, left leg. Stent in the left main vein 10-7-2014

My "Wardens" are my bride of 54+ years and my daughters.

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David882
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Joined: July 12th, 2014, 8:58 pm
Location: 49 06' 42.42" N 113 49' 52.52" W

Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by David882 » October 8th, 2014, 5:21 pm

Image

MMMMMMMMMMmmmmmmm Big burger
With Respect,
David

11 Sept 2012 / Idiopathic Ventricular Fibrillation
At about 2AM I started storming at home, and in the ambulance, and in the ER.
Sometimes I restated and sometimes I had to be defibrillated.
A number of times I went into arrest and stopped breathing.
External defibrillation count exceeded 18 and at some point the team induced a coma.
24 hours later I was revived and have never had another event.
13 Sept 2012 / Medtronic ICD was implanted.
My diagnosis is still idiopathic.

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TruckerRon
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Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by TruckerRon » October 9th, 2014, 6:57 pm

I think my wife, daughters, and I could handle that one. Maybe. Just how big are those patties?
TruckerRon -- Received Minion I on 17 Sep 2009, Minion II on 26 Jan 2015

Non-ischemic cardiomyopathy
Medtronic Viva XT CRT-D
No shocks yet...
My intro is at: http://www.icdsupportgroup.org/board/vi ... 099#p57099

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David882
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Joined: July 12th, 2014, 8:58 pm
Location: 49 06' 42.42" N 113 49' 52.52" W

Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by David882 » October 9th, 2014, 7:06 pm

TRON:

I got that picture from the Heart Attack Grill web page; http://www.heartattackgrill.com/

As a note the spokesman for the grill arrears to have died from a heart attack.
I am not to sure if this grill is really thinking about long term customers.
At any rate I have never been...
With Respect,
David

11 Sept 2012 / Idiopathic Ventricular Fibrillation
At about 2AM I started storming at home, and in the ambulance, and in the ER.
Sometimes I restated and sometimes I had to be defibrillated.
A number of times I went into arrest and stopped breathing.
External defibrillation count exceeded 18 and at some point the team induced a coma.
24 hours later I was revived and have never had another event.
13 Sept 2012 / Medtronic ICD was implanted.
My diagnosis is still idiopathic.

Chrisg
Posts: 645
Joined: October 3rd, 2011, 3:44 pm
Location: Ireland

Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by Chrisg » October 10th, 2014, 7:38 am

The Coffee Shop

I was in a coffee shop recently when my stomach started rumbling and I realized that I desperately needed to pass gas.

The place was packed but the music was really loud so, to get relief and reduce embarrassment, I timed my gas explosions to the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs I started to feel much better.

I finished my coffee and noticed that everyone was staring at me.

Then I suddenly remembered that I was listening to my iPod.

This is what happens when senior citizens use technology!


Chris

:snoball:
Idiopathic Ventricular Tachycardia
1st Medtronic ICD Dec 07; 2nd August 09; 3rd on right side Sept, 2011
14 Shock Storm July 09; 5 days induced coma
Sprint Fidelis Lead and ICD Explanted July 09
3 Ventricle Ablations July 2009
Lead Erosion; Leads and ICD Explanted August 2011
Medtronic ICD Re-implanted Right side Sept, 2011
Fractured Lead ; Lead left in and new Medtronic Lead and ICD implanted August 2017
Drugs: Mexiletine .50mg 2 daily; Metoprolol .25mg 2 daily. Omacor

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Mitch
Posts: 104
Joined: May 25th, 2011, 9:57 am

Re: Smile (Joke)

Post by Mitch » October 10th, 2014, 11:25 am

Don't mean to hijack the joke thread, but:

Regarding the burger in the David's post, that is the "Quadruple Bypass Burger" at the Heart Attack Grill, and those four patties are 1/2 lb each, so it would be a 2 lb burger. All of their patties are 1/2 pound, and they also have Single Bypass, Double Bypass, and Triple Bypass burgers with each "bypass" equaling one patty. Also their french fries are cooked in lard and are all-you-can-eat. They sit in a big bowl, like a french fry salad bar, so you can chow down all you want while you're waiting for your burger. They put you in a hospital gown when you walk in, and all the waitresses are dressed as nurses.

They used to be located in Chandler, Arizona, and I stopped in there once while I was in Scottsdale for Arizona Bike Week. I had to have a double bypass burger, since I'd already had "real" double bypass surgery. They've since closed the Chandler location and moved to Las Vegas, which I believe is now their only location.

Here's a picture of me in front of the Chandler location, and one of me getting checked by the nurse (waitress) prior to my meal.

Mitch
You do not have the required permissions to view the files attached to this post.
Two Heart Attacks - 1989 and 1998
Double Bypass, LAD and RCA - 1989
Chronic A-fib since bypass
Three angioplasties - 1996, 2007, and 2011
Medtronic Virtuoso ICD installed - 2006
First (and only) shock, due to VT - May 2011
Ventricular Ablation - July 2011
Medtronic Evera ICD installed - December 2013
Drugs: Digoxin .25mg, Lisinopril 80mg, Carvedilol 12.5mg, Warfarin 7.5mg, Levoxyl .175mg, Atorvastatin 40mg, Effient 10mg, Furosemide 40mg, Aspirin 81mg

My intro: http://www.icdsupportgroup.org/board/vi ... 308#p76308

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